


On The List of Things Barry Did Not Want to Know About Himself This Was No. 1

by scarsgirl



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Daddy Kink, Fluff and Crack, If it is Barry's got it bad, Is internalized kink-shaming a thing?, M/M, Misunderstandings, Rating May Change, okay, uhm...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-18 20:26:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5941948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarsgirl/pseuds/scarsgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snart was probably just messing with him, right? </p><p>Barry needed a Daddy? </p><p>Really? </p><p>The whole idea was just ridiculous.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> After watching "Fast Lane" I couldn't get the thought that Barry didn't need anymore father figures in his life than he already had and that if Len was around he'd be more than happy to show Barry just what kind of daddy he really wanted in his life. Right now, I'm just posting the first chapter to gauge interest since this is shaping up to be pretty dirty, even for me. 
> 
> Update 3-1-16: Story turned less porny and more cracky/fluffy.

Barry’s hand felt heavy as he waved his goodbyes to Harry and Jesse. Wells gave him, and the rest of the team, a grateful nod as Jesse leaned into her father for support.

Caitlin had tried, and failed, to convince Harry that Jesse needed a few more days to rest and recover before making the return trip to Earth 2. In the end, thought, Wells had insisted it was time to go and Jesse had enthusiastically agreed saying that home would be the best medicine for them both.

A bright flash of light as the wormhole closed forced Barry to turn his face away from the glowing portal. He noticed that everyone else had either turned or cringed away as the portal gave one final burst of light before collapsing in upon itself. Everyone, except Cold.

Barry sniffed quietly as he fought back the emotions that threatened to overtake him. He would never see Wells again in all likelihood and despite everything that had happened between them - the thought hurt. Barry schooled his face quickly when he noticed that Cold’s attention had changed from the center of the room to him.

He’d found the man unchanged in many ways by his tour through time on with the Legend’s, but Barry had sensed more of an ‘enthusiasm’ for working with the Flash team as Cold and Heatwave helped them finally rid both Earths of Zoom’s menace.

Barry gave Caitlin and Cisco a watery smile when they went out of their way to walk by him as they left the room. Jay was still in the lab, recovering from his final showdown with Zoom, and he knew Caitlin wanted to keep a close eye on his condition until his healing factor kicked back in full-force.

Barry stood there for a long time looking at the empty space that had once been an entry point to another world while the others slowly filed out. Promising Joe, Iris and Wally he’d be by for Sunday brunch and re-assuring Dr. Stien that Wells had left a copy of his research in the lab for him as they each wondered away. He’d actually thought the room empty when a presence at his side startled him from his melancholy.

“Poor Flash,” Cold snarked, “left behind again?” Barry drew back slightly at the words. They stung in way that he hadn’t been prepared for in that moment. He opened his mouth a little shocked and hurt, intending to bite back at Snart’s mocking tone, but not getting the chance to respond as Cold leaned into him, pitching his voice low and soft, “You know you’ll never get what you _need_ from men like Wells and West.”

Barry had very little memory of what being struck by lightening felt like, but the sensation of his stomach falling through the floor while his skin turned to fire had to be close. He took a step back in shock and horror. “I don’t know what you think I want, but it is not that!” He seethed as Snart smiled at him slyly, “Cool it, Flash. I wasn’t insinuating anything about your intentions, just stating a fact.”

Cold pulled back, putting his hands up in mock-surrender as he stepped out of Barry’s space. “If you ever get curious what it might be like to spend time with a Daddy who knows just what you need baby boy give me a call and we’ll see what we can do.”

Barry couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. He just watched as Snart, as Captain Cold, turned and walked out of the room leaving him at a loss for words and disturbingly aroused.

_________________________________________________________________________

This was a bad idea. He knew it was a bad idea. A disgusting idea. He did not want the things Cold has insinuated from Joe or Wells or other Wells or Thawn or whoever the else Snart thought he looked to as a father figure. The thought had never, ever entered his mind.

At least it hadn’t until Cold had leaned into him and whispered it in his ear. It been like the proverbial snake in the garden. One whisper in his ear and having a...he couldn’t even believe it as he typed the words into the search bar… a _daddy_ was all he could think about. Barry closed his eyes as he added the words, 'baby boy' into the his search and hit enter. He was both disappointed and relieved to find his search results centered on building healthy father and son relationships and not the, well, dirty kind of father/son relationship he was curious about.

Barry's shoulder drooped slightly as his relief turned to disappointment, those kinds of relationships were definitely not what he was searching for and he doubted there was a way to skirt around what he really wanted to know without having to look through pages and pages of results, so with a hesitant fingers he added ‘sex’ to his search and fell through the looking glass.

He was so going to hell for this.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote nearly 2500 words of what I thought would be the second chapter of this fic only to toss it when it got a way too heavy and serious and I decided I wanted to write something fun darn it! Anyway, enjoy!

His dad used to say that you should never do a favor for anyone cause it would just encourage them to ask for another. There wasn’t much Len held onto from his father, but that gem just kept playing out over and over. He sat Mick’s gun down on the workbench before answering his ringing phone. It wouldn’t due to get distracted while working on the fuel cells. He liked his face just fine as it was.

“What is it this time, Red? Kitten stuck in a tree?”

“Wah?” Len looked down at his phone. That was the Flash’s number looking up at him. “You called me, Flash, what do you want?” 

“I, uhm, ...uh, wanted to talk to you about your offer?” The Flash’s voice was nearly a whisper by the time he got to the end of his sentence, forcing Len to press the phone closer to his ear.

Len had learned that it was best to hide when you were confused about something, so he played along. “The offer, sure. So what do you think?” Len couldn’t remember offering Barry a piece of the action in any of the heists he had planned recently, though he had teased the man with offers in the past.

“It’s just ...I can’t stop thinking about what you said,” Len felt his eyes narrow as Barry rambled on about trying to distract himself with running and rescuing people and how it was never enough. What had he offered to entice a goody-two-shoes like Barry Allen to play at being a bad boy…. Len guffawed loudly, cutting off Barry’s verbal stream of conscious. Len had always prided himself on his ability to control his emotions, but the shock of Barry Allen calling him for sex, well not even just sex, but kinky daddy sex! He nearly dropped his phone as he struggled to regain his self-control.

The prolonged silence on the other end of the line brought him back to himself. “Barry, baby, are you still there?” He chortled. 

“You were joking. It was a joke.” Barry sounded both embarrassed and angry through the phone's tiny speaker. 

“You were standing there like a kicked puppy, I figured you’d rather have someone yank your chain than feel sorry for you!” Len face felt strange from smiling so long, those muscles didn’t quite get the workout the rest of his body did. 

“Oh God,” The kid sounded horrified, “I think I’m going to be sick.”

“Now, don’t make a mess, Barry, you’ll make daddy mad.” The sound of nothing as the call disconnected gave him the chance to catch his breath as he tossed the phone and picked up Mick’s gun. He snickered on and off for several minutes as he reassembled the gun, freezing (Ha!) when he realized that Barry ‘Fucking’ Allen had just called him wanting KINKY DADDY SEX and Len had just laughed in his face.

Len threw the gun on the bench violently. “Dammit!”


	3. Chapter 3

_“Mr. Rory, Mr. Snart, oh how I wish we would stop meeting like this._ ” Jax rolled his eyes hoping Stein wouldn’t detect the movement.

“I take it the good Doctor’s not too pleased.” Len snarked as he pulled himself up off the ground. Jax had allowed Len and Mick to get clear of the cops before knocking them on their asses, even though Stein had argued for letting CCPD catching them red-handed.

“What the hell is your problem, Snart? I know for a fact you’ve more cash stashed around the globe than you could ever need. Why are you pulling a job every week?” Jax accused as he hovered over the two men he’d come to think of as friends.

Jax looked at Mick who gave him a shrug, then Len who tipped his head in Mick’s direction and said, “What he said.”

Jax rose in the air slightly as his temper threatened to get the better of him. _“Calm yourself Jax, don’t let them make you lose control.”_

“I wouldn’t have to worry about losing anything if these two would stop acting like dumb-asses.”

“Hey!” Mick protested as he knocked dirt off barrel of his heat gun.

“Are you going to take us in or not, flyboy?” Len said as he watched Jax from behind his goggles. Jax was seriously tempted to rip them off his head.

“You know I wouldn’t do that to you two, but I swear if you make me interrupt another one of Dr. and Ms. Stein’s ‘special’ nights I will show you what it means to feel the heat."

Mick let out a huff of laughter.

“Oh, laugh it up. You know all he can think about right now is how much longer he’s got till his Viagra wears off.”

 _“Jackson! We’ve talked about private thoughts!”_ Great now he was the one feeling guilty for being a jerk.

“Listen, Mick, Len can’t you guys just take the show on the road for a little while. West is talking about a task force and setting up traps. You’re lucky Barry’s talked him down…”

“Barry?” Len was looking very intently at something on his gun while he spoke, “I was wondering where the Scarlet Speedster had gotten too. Hadn’t seem him around in a while.”

“Yeah, well Barry’s too busy helping people to be chasing the two of you all over the city.” At least that’s what he said when Stein implored him to run down Mick and Len after their last couple of heists, though Jax had noticed an odd hesitance as Barry spoke about his reasons for not going after Captain Cold and Heatwave.

Len turned and started to walk down the desolate street toward the lights of the waterfront. Jax knew he had a couple of safe houses down there that the Rogues frequented when not actively trying to drive the city crazy. But first, “The diamond, Snart.”

Len stopped, looking over his shoulder as he lobbed the diamond over his head and into Jax’s hands. Jax watched the way his flames reflected in the cuts of the gem. It was a nice piece of ice. No wonder Snart was after it. Jax nodded to Mick who turned to follow Len out into the night.

Jax shook his head at the two as they walked away from him like they didn’t have a care in the world wondering what they were planning to do next.

“ _Well, not to be indelicate, Jackson, but time waits for no…._ ”

“Please don’t finish that sentence.” Jax moaned as he turned to fly toward Star Labs.

_____________________________________________________________________________

 

“So, you gonna share with the rest of the class or I gotta get my tale roasted by every hero in the three cities first?” Mick watched as Snart tugged off his goggles and seemed to consider Mick's words.

“What’s the matter? Getting a little hot for you, Mick?” Mick didn’t feel like he had to justify such a lousy pun with a real answer.

Len threw him a quick glance, like he was sizing Mick up. Oh, he was after something, but it wasn’t diamonds. “What’s the game? What are you really after?”

“Not a what, a who,” Len grumbled as he took a sharp right toward the 5th street house. Lisa had been laying low there for the past couple of weeks after getting a little banged up robbing First National during a heist they'd pulled in broad daylight. It had been a risky move not only because to the timing, but the location. First National was just couple of blocks from police headquarters. Which was a little to close for comfort for more than one reason.

“If you want to talk to the Flash all you gotta do is show up at that lab of his. Hell, didn’t you break into his house once?”

Len ignored him as he kept walking, increasing his pace. “Something happen ‘tween the two a’you?

That got his attention. Len stopped and turned to face him as his shoulders dropped in defeat, “Do you really want to talk about this?”

“You gonna talk to Lisa about it?”

“That is a very big, No,” Snart shivered like someone had just walked over his grave. “I’d never hear the end of it.”

“Then I guess I’m the lucky one. Go on, spill it, Snart.” Mick heard a low growl in response. Oh, this had to be good if Snart was struggling that much.

“Fine, but you keep it to yourself,” Snart said as he turned sharply and began walking at a brisk pace.

When they’d fallen into step, Snart began, “A few weeks back, after Zoom, I said something to Flash. It was ridiculous, just something to yank his chain, get him riled up. I never thought he'd actually...”

Mick waited for a few paces. “Actually what?”

“He called later. He was interested in what I had said, but it seemed so out of the realm of possibility that I didn’t react in a kindly manner and he hung up on me. I haven’t been able to get a hold of him since. I just want a few minutes to **talk** ,” Len said the word like it offended him, “but so far nothing’s worked.”

They walked in silence for several moments as Mick considered Len’s words. “So you asked him if he wanted to ride your dick like a pogo stick, he called to say he was into it and then you were basically an ass about the whole thing.” Mick turned to stop and look back at a flabbergasted Snart. “So," Mick didn't smile much since it usually frightened people, but he couldn't help it. "Am I right?” 

Len didn't seem able to respond for the moment. “What? Were you trying to keep your huge Flash crush a secret? Cause if so, you sucked at it.”

Len’s face got all pinched up the way it always did when he was getting ready to lose his cool. Mick lifted his hands in surrender. “Hey, man, don’t kill the messenger. I gotta say though, little shocked the kid was into the idea. Thought he was too much of a good boy to go for the bad guy.”

Mick’s eyes had to be tricking him, cause he could'a swore that he'd just made Captain Cold blush.

“Yeah, well,” Len was mostly mumbling to himself at this point, “You’re not the only one that's a little shocked by the turn of events.”

“So, what the plan? How are we gonna win loverboy over?”

“Well, so far my usual methods aren’t bearing much fruit.”

Mick huffed, “Yeah, that’s the way to a fella’s heart, do the thing that he hates that you do, so he has to come kick your ass about it.”

Len stiffened, stepping around Mick as he started toward the hide-out. Mick shook his head, cursing the day he took up with such an emotionally constipated partner. Whoever Snart's prison therapist was, they did a shit job.

“Slow down, Snart. No need to get all ‘you’ about it.” Mick ran a few steps to catch up. Good thing he was used to running in full gear.

“Please tell me you’re not thinking about showing up at his place.”

Len looked shiftier than usual. The idiot. “Listen, you spent months on a ship filled with heroes, you know how they think. None of your ideas are going to give you the opening or time you need to convince him that letting you fuck his brains out is best for everyone.”

Len sighed, “And what it is you suggest, Mick? He won’t take my phone calls when I try to talk to him like a regular (there was that disgusted tone again) human being.” He could tell that Snart wasn’t expecting a real answer. Mick tried not to get pissed off about it. He knew that Snart was just conceited enough to think that no else’s plans were ever as good as his, but maybe just this once he would listen.

“You ever hear that song,‘Let it Go’?” Snart gave him a frosty look. Lisa had loved annoying the hell out of him for months with Frozen references. “Not that one, the other one,” Mick couldn’t sing to save his life, but, ”The let you be you and me be me one. You be the gigantic ass you are and let him be the hero he is and we’ll see what happens.” Len looked at him, considering his words for a moment before tilting his head just so and smiling.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here is the last chapter. I'm not totally happy with it, but I've enjoyed writing this story in my spare time and really appreciate the response. I'm sorry I haven't responded to all your wonderful comments, but I want you to know they really inspired me to finish the story when I got a little stuck near the end. 
> 
> Oh, and for those who remember my first note promising a very naughty story, sorry - it turned cracky instead.

“I can’t believe you stole from your own team!” Barry knew he was on the verge of wearing an actual hole in the cabin’s floor, but of all the idiotic plans. “I mean, I know criminals aren’t noted for being trustworthy,” Barry felt a little twinge at the thought of the trust he’d been willing to show Snart, but quickly locked down those feelings. If he let his hurt rule him, the Rogues would tear Cold apart, “But I thought you actually cared about Mick!”

Snart just kept watching Barry as he ranted. He’d been less loquacious than usual since Barry had saved him from a full on assault by the Rogues. They’d come to some agreement (thanks to Lisa’s intervention) that was supposed to spare Snart his life, but he and Snart were stuck in hiding till they got the all clear from Cisco. At least it was a nice hide-out, if a bit too far from the city for Barry’s liking.

He slowed his pace when the wood floor began to brown and warp. “Is this your place?” Barry looked around the room at the cabins walls. They were bare with the exception of some mounted pieces of what appeared to be burnt wood. Barry walked over to a piece that looked like a clawed hand. Okay, maybe this place wasn’t so nice after all.

“Actually, it’s Mick’s place,” Snart begrudgingly conceded. 

Barry felt his eyes bulge as he turned to Len, who was still occupying the same chair that Barry had dumped him in when they arrived. “Your hide-out belongs to one of the people trying to kill you?”

Snart shrugged, “Figured he’d be too busy looking for me to go on vacation.”

Barry would have laughed at the situation if he’d been in it with anyone else. “You steal from him and then break into his house?” 

“Mick’s a foodie, always has the best supplies.”

“The best supplies?” Barry boggled, "And did you just use the word foodie?" 

“I’ll start dinner,” Snart said as he finally rose from his chair. He removed his coat and gun as he walked past Barry toward the cabin's kitchen.

“What? You’re cooking dinner for me?” Something seemed off about this situation.

Snart was suspiciously quiet all of a sudden. Barry had a thought, but no, it couldn't be. They weren’t in some stupid plot out a rom-com. Barry watched suspiciously as Snart began pulling several items out of the kitchen cupboards and sat a pot under the tap to fill. 

“Pasta? With a clam sauce?" 

“That’s…” Barry froze, that was one of his favorite dishes. 

Snart turned to him, eyebrows raised in question. Barry couldn't help but notice how the color of the sweater Len was wearing made his eyes pop. “Oh My God!”

Snart looked guilty for a split second. Snart never looked guilty. Barry pointed a gloved finger at the man, then paused to tear his gloves off and chuck them on the counter, so he could point with his bare hand. “You set this up!”

Snart didn't answer Barry's accusation as he turned off the tap and set the pot of water on the cook top. Barry looked out the window. They’d run up here in the snow, which he'd noticed was piling up too fast to be normal. “And the other Rogues are helping you?” He pointed at Len again.

Len looked at him shiftily, “Not all of them, just Mick. The rest really do want to kill me. Had to make it look real.” He really wished his cowl was still up so Len couldn’t see his face. He was sure he looked as dumbfounded as he felt.

“You wouldn’t answer my calls or even try to arrest me! How else was I supposed to talk to you?” Len said as he added some salt and oil to the pot of water.

Barry was nearly apoplectic. “You don’t get to put people in danger just because you want to talk to someone!”

“No one’s in danger, Barry,” Snart lit the stove and turned to face Barry.

“Central City…”

“Central City has a Flash to take care of it, if it needs one. You can have the night off.”

“I don’t want the night off, especially if it means being stuck with a liar and trickster and a....”

“Do not compare me with that psychopath!”

“That...? You tricked me into coming out here to play one of your sick little games!” Barry could feel his rage burning in his muscles aching for release.

“Barry, I'm sorry.”

Barry was so incensed it took a moment for the words to register, “You're what?” 

Len came closer causing Barry to take a step back. “I’m sorry about teasing you and the way I reacted the night you called me. If you’re still interested...?”

Barry closed his mouth with a pop when he realized it had fallen open in shock. “I don’t even know what to say to you right now.”

Len put his hands in the pockets of his very tight jeans. Like way tight, like nothing left to wonder about there tight. Barry looked away from the pants. He could not handle that right now. “The only thing I’m interested in is getting the all clear from Lisa and Cisco and going home.”

“Barry, I think we both know that’s not the only thing you’re interested in.” Len tilted his head to the side as he smiled at Barry.

Barry swallowed harshly, “I don’t think you have any idea of what I’m interested in, Cold.”

“Don’t I, baby boy?” Len said, his smile turning sly. Barry felt his cheeks heat. He was not going to rise to Snart’s bait this time. He was going to what he should have done the first time and ignore the man. Except Len was walking toward Barry now and he had this terrible knowing grin on his face that Barry just wanted to…to...

“You’re a very bad boy, Leonard Snart!”

Barry had imagined saying those words to a naked and begging Leonard Snart for weeks, but now that they had passed his lips he didn't know what to do. He’d struggled with the decision to call Leonard and propose an adjustment to Snart's way of thinking about Barry's needs and how to meet them, but when he found out it had all been a game, he'd busily buried those thoughts and feelings deep inside. Barry had hoped desperately that if Len had agreed to meet with him, that he wouldn’t end up getting punched in the face for making the suggestion that maybe **he** wasn’t the one who needed to be taken in hand.

Len had stopped moving toward Barry. And, wow! Who looked dumbfounded now? In for a penny in for a pound, he supposed. “But, I think you could be good, Len.” It was Barry’s turn to lift his chin and take a few aggressive steps toward the other man, “I know you don’t think there’s any profit in it, but good boys do get their rewards.” Barry didn’t know what to expect when he lay a gentle hand to Len’s cheek, but the confusion on Len's face turning awe was very affirming. Barry dropped his voice to a whisper as he leaned toward Len, “Now, Leonard, are you going to be a good boy and do as I say or are you going to get a spanking?”

____________________________________________________________________________

“I’m not your call-boy!” Cisco really regretted his word choices sometimes. “I’ll call the Flash in the morning. There’s no way he or your brother are still up. It’s nearly 2 am!”

Lisa crossed her arms and looked at him sharply, “The banks have cleared the deposits overseas and me and Mick have the Rogues calmed down, though I can’t believe they were dumb enough to actually think it was some sort of security test. Either way I want my brother back now!”

“Too bad, Glider, we don’t always get what we want.” The look of fury that crossed Lisa’s pretty was face was so worth the flesh he was about to lose. He tried to duck out of the way when she came at him, only to realize too late that it was the comm she was going for and not his face.

“Hey! Leave that alone, you’re gonna mess up my system!” Cisco tried to grab her hands as she frantically hit every button on the comm. But man, she was fast and her nails were sharp. “Ouch, ouch, stop it!”

“You need some more baby?” They both froze as a voice that Cisco could only just recognize as Barry’s came out loud and clear over the lab’s audio system.

“Yes, daddy, please.” Was that? And that sounded like skin slapping in a very particular rhythm. ”What the fuck?”

Both he and Lisa froze as their eyes met. “That can’t be,” Lisa had a smile on her face for a second, “They know we’re listening. It’s a trick!” Her voice got higher and higher as she spoke.

“Oh, Daddy, it feels so good!” Snart moaned lowly causing Lisa to let out an ungodly screech as her hands flew up to cover her ears. “Turn it off! Turn it off!”

Cisco scrambled as the sounds of slapping skin and moaning began to build. It almost felt like he’d achieved his own release when he finally managed to mute Barry’s suit comm. Lisa looked at him shell-shocked and frozen in horror. 

A low click drew their attention to Rory, who was standing waiting at the lab door for Lisa. He was using his heat gun to light a cigar. Rory smiled at them wickedly, “I love it when a plan comes together.” He said proudly.

“Did you just make an A-Team reference?” Cisco was officially appalled by the entire night’s events. Not as appalled as Lisa who was eyeing her Gold Gun like it was her only friend.

Rory grunted, “Never watched it,” and turned to leave, apparently done with whatever the hell was going on right now.

“I think I need a drink and some brain bleach,” Lisa said sullenly.

“You ain’t the only one sister.”


End file.
